Like, therapy has really worked for me. Like, just sitting down every week and venting to somebody, which is crazy ’cause I feel like I’m always venting on the radio, – Right. – or on my podcast or something, But, actually sitting down with somebody who you know is a captive audience, like, they have
Tonight I wanna come clean. Seriously, I wanna come clean. I don’t have a lot of vices. I don’t drink. I don’t JUUL, I don’t go to hookah lounges. I know I look like I do, but I don’t. But I am an addict. And I am addicted to Amazon. Which, I know, doesn’t sound
Hmm. It’s show day. Hmm. I gotta get to work. Never? Wait! Watch the elbows! I’m not gonna make it. “Attention, passengers, we are experiencing delays due to signal malfunctions.” “Attention, passengers, we are currently delayed due to train traffic ahead of us.” “We are currently delayed.” “We are currently delayed. Delayed. Delayed.” “The bus
Tonight I want to talk about video games. All right? Video games were a huge part of my life growing up. My console was N64. Mario Kart, Smash Brothers, and my personal favorite GoldenEye. You guys know the rules, right? License to kill, slappers only, no Oddjob. You guys remember Oddjob? You couldn’t kill him
It is almost the end of vacation season, which is why I want to talk about the fastest growing part of U.S. tourism. Cruises. The answer to the age-old question, “What if porta-potties had swimming pools?” Now, picking a vacation is hard. We all know we have to spend our money on a lot of
“Growing up polite, what helped you to adapt to the gruffness of New York?” This is from Hannah. I love how like Hannah’s just like, “You’re polite. And you were always polite.” How do you know I was polite growing up? You don’t know me, Hannah. I coulda been a badass. Alright, “your house containing
Man, I– It’s so crazy, I haven’t had Doritos in years, but I would have it all the time in middle school. I think it definitely took years off my life. Doritos and Mountain Dew Code Red? Oh, my god. It’s straight up – seventh and eighth grade have so much of that. There’s gonna
If you’re watching this right now, you have functioning Internet, and you’re probably also on the phone. You’re reading Twitter. You’re scrolling through Reddit while you’re driving to work. And you’re not gonna look up until I say the keywords -like Drake, Jordans or Narendra Modi. But I understand why you’re distracted. The Internet is
Here’s why I’ve come here, Mr. Prime Minister. I will say this, as far as major world leaders go… you’ve got significant clout. And I’m gonna be real with you. It’s…it’s a lot of the looks. In comparison to some of these world leaders, there are some straight uncles walking around. We got some ugos.
“What is one characteristic you hope your daughter gets from you? And what characteristic do you hope she gets from your wife?” You guys are always like, building me up and then just… How about– so what do I, for real– I want her to get her brains, her kindness, her work ethic, her optimism.