Punjabi Parents, Gaaliyan and the Internet – Standup Comedy by Robin Pupneja – LIMEWIT Live


My name is Robin but I am not a Christian Because I am always happy and excited for no reason which means I am? *Audience shouts Punjabi* Punjabis aaye hue hai yahan pe Lag to nahi raha Punjabis aaye hue hai to
Make some noise Punjabis Maine kaha tha na Making noise for no reason Zaroorat nahi thi chillane ki So I was talking about Punjabis I hate stereotypes, I hate it Punjabis ke kitne stereotypes hote hai you know Everybody thinks Punjabis are loud Punjabis show off karte hai, Punjabis gaaliyan dete hai Let me make it clear Apko bilkul sahi lagta hai, aise hi karte hai Mere Papa gaaliyan dete hai He doesn’t even realize wo gaali de rahe hai Mai chhota tha, mai ro raha tha To Papa ne kaha “Maayawe chup kar ja chhitar maranga” Meri dadi waha baithi thi “Bachhe nu gaali kyu di” Papa – “Mai kado gaali ditti Bh*****d” “O Maayawe mai tenu gaali ditti” “Mai te gaali denda hi nahi B******d” He is a typical Punjabi father We were watching match together Beech mein Zivame ki Ad aa gayi India’s number one lingerie destination Lingerie for you south Delhites So the ad started one by one the Women came and revealed what they were wearing “Strapless bra, backless bra, pink thongs, tummy tucker” Falana bra dhimkana bra Puri raat guzar jayegi lekin ye list khatam nahi hogi I was looking for the remote Because it was getting awkward with my father But Papa in his typical Punjabi attitude goes “Beta itni variety to hamare kapde mein nahi hoti
jitni Aurton ki banyano mein hoti hai Bh*****d” He ended the sentence with B*******d Maine kaha “Papa gaali kyu de rahe ho” “Mai kado gaali ditti B******d” I have a typical Punjabi Mother I love her Mother I love my Mother Her love is pure, selfless, unconditional like a Mother But sabse zyada beizzati bhi Mummy karti hai I was working on my Laptop and she goes “Beta, pura din Laptop, Mobile pe kaam karta rehta hai” “Salary teri phir bhi nahi badhti” “Sai baba ke video dekhta rehta hai kya” If my Mother were in 17th century Unka beta Isaac Newton hota, who discovered Gravity Mummy uski bhi beizzati kar deti “Newton beta, wo to achha hua Sai Baba ki kripa se tere sar pe seb gir gaya” “Warna beta tere bas ki nahi thi Gravity prove karna” “Tujhse na ho pata” “Ab beta tu shaadi kab karega?” “Jab sar pe tarbooz girega” Typical Punjabi mother I do a corporate job, Monday to Friday Aur Saturday, Sunday mai aise fests pe aakar Bhand ban jaata hun Bhand is a good word, don’t judge me If you google it right now, Bhand ka matlab Artist But pichle show pe, fest pe DTU ke ‘Bh’ ki jagah ‘R’ nikal gaya tha That is not a good word Students ne rok rok ke pucha “How much do you charge, Rate kya hai tera, Rate bata ke ja” Unfortunately saare ladke the Use Hindi cautiously Ek galat akshar apko Artist se Gigolo bana sakta hai Bahar ek ladka, hum enter hue Bahar ek ladka NIIT university ka hi hoga Uski T-shirt pe likha tha “I was born intelligent but education ruined me” Matlab jab wo paida hua to Hum jaise fuddu bachho ki tarah roya nahi Usne paida hote hi doctor ke kaan mein bol dia “Doctor E=mc2″ “Speed=Distance * Time” Doctor was like “Mubarak ho, Scientist paida hua hai” “MBBS ke 50 lakh bach gaye” “I was born intelligent but education ruined me” It’s like saying “Sanjay Dutt was born innocent
but Supreme Court made him a criminal” Mereko education ne ruin nahi kia What ruined me was 100 Mbps unlimited Internet Mujhe Sharaabe pila lo, Joint phukwa lo Snort karwa lo Mai behakta nahi hun Lekin 100 Mbps unlimited Internet mil jaaye Mai behak jaata hu Then I don’t use Internet, Internet starts using me Maine Google pe likha “Anti virus free download” Aadhe ghanta baad I was reading articles about “Symptoms, causes and treatment of ebola virus” Yaha kaise pahuch gaya I just typed “Zara first copy T-shirt” Aadhe ghanta baad I was dancing on “Zara zara touch me touch me touch me” Yaar ye Internet technology hi to hai Isko ulta karna chahiye Koi browse karte karte behak gaya Usko wapas le aa yaar tu technology hai Like the moment you go to
Pornhub.com or Youporn.com to waste time Immediately Bhagavad Gita ka lecture start ho jana chahiye Technology yaar, like “Yes, Yes, Yes…” “Manushya ki icchae hi sabhi samasyao ka jad hai” “Oh my God, Yeah baby, Oh my God…” “Apni icchao ka tyag karne se hi moksh ki prapti hogi”

100 Comments

Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *