November 5, 2019 HomeArticlesHOW NOT TO SCREW UP YOUR KIDS – Gabor Maté | London Real HOW NOT TO SCREW UP YOUR KIDS – Gabor Maté | London Real By David Keiser Articles, Blog 100 Comments Related posts: How to send an ‘E mail’ – Database – 1984 How to Make A Business Website Using WordPress & Elementor Page Builder & Astra Theme 2019 How To Setup Redirects In WordPress For Better SEO & Smooth Website Migrations What is the best website hosting and best WordPress hosting? Top 3 Hosting Review of 2018 Tags:and, brian rose, GABOR MATE, gabor mate 2018, gabor mate addiction and the brain, gabor mate adhd, gabor mate authenticity, gabor mate children, gabor mate how, gabor mate trauma, gabor mate when the body says no, how not gabor mate, london real, londonrealtv, the, you Related Posts NORMAN – INTERNET DE L’ÉPOQUE ESP32 Web Server Tutorial with a BME280 Sensor How to Install WordPress Locally on your PC (and practice making your website) About Author admin 100 Comments Marc Brisson Parents need to raise their kids. Sadly they don’t when both parents seek a career. They pay somebody else to do it. This man is right. June 14, 2019 Reply ELBARBONN My 1 year and 8 months old niece knows all the vowels thanks to me 😎 June 14, 2019 Reply Roanna Kowal Fascinating June 14, 2019 Reply Chickenmctina I wish my dad would’ve watched this video before getting into it with my mom June 17, 2019 Reply S Singh This was so enlightening. June 19, 2019 Reply 007nadineL First three years baby.. June 20, 2019 Reply monkeyfingers *whispers ok June 25, 2019 Reply Kristy Makeshift “How not to screw up yourself” can this be made first. Leave your kids alone ffs if you’re not happy… it’s not their job to be different so you feel better! Come on be more evolved now people it isn’t hard. Be happy, do things that feel good without feeling guilty. Your kids will benefit if they see others around them living their best life without explanation. Truly happy people don’t hurt others and need not be feared. I understand there is a bit of convolution surrounding this topic but it really is simple, just feel for it you’ll see! June 27, 2019 Reply Kristy Makeshift Omg pls take this with a grain of salt June 27, 2019 Reply Kristine Willems The day I met Dr. Gabor Mate : 01/07/19… July 1, 2019 Reply Void 007 Seven years training to be a doctor..none to be a parent which is a very demanding job..it’s quite apparent that the major problems like addiction and mental health problems are due to children being brought into this world with poor parenting..it’s sad because the poor parents are up against greater stressors than the more affluent population. July 1, 2019 Reply ChocolateJewels “The real relationship doesn’t depend on words, it depends on your capacity to be with.” – That right there… July 1, 2019 Reply Star Fire Describes the relationship I had with my father exactly. My parents were together but it was clear my father never liked being around me from day one. He showed it clearly in his body language, expressions & voice. I looked to my older brother for reassurance & validation from a male figure instead but he also resented & rejected me. I grew up feeling very uncomfortable around my father and even as an adult didn’t enjoy being in his physical presence. He died three years ago & I’m sorry to say I don’t miss him. July 1, 2019 Reply Merci Beaucoup this is great💓 July 2, 2019 Reply Nat King Kong Amazing! My parents did the "cry it out" method with me and to this day I have lasting debilitating effects from those experiences. I still feel angry with my parents for doing that to me and being such sheep. They didn't question anything or use their common sense. July 8, 2019 Reply diane whalen Gab July 8, 2019 Reply Mother of Moses Having a head injury meant that I have not been able to verbalise or instill necessary wisdom into my kids in the way I could have done if I'd known about my injury. I have been pretty silent. But thankfully what Dr mate is saying is that it's not too late to instill values and self worth in the children of today's world. July 9, 2019 Reply Rohan Lindo Wooooooh… he said make your child your disciple. Jeeeez. Never heard that before. I like it. But what it means is that as parent you need to have the qualities to encourage your child to be your disciple. This some deep eye opening stuff. 👍🏽 July 9, 2019 Reply Simone solas A genius. 👌 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 July 10, 2019 Reply Bianca von Mühlendorf What would you say about some german parents who already give their small kids away at the age of 1 or 2 into the KIndergarten? Politics nowadays force parents to do so even more. July 10, 2019 Reply Bianca von Mühlendorf best sentence here: discipline is the opposite of punishment. July 10, 2019 Reply Patrice Marie LONDON REAL …… DR MATE …… VERY VALUABLE ……. WORDS FOR PARENTS!THANK YOU! …… THIS EDUCATION COUNTS! July 10, 2019 Reply Joanne Archer Sometimes I want to wake my grand children up during the night just to say hi! July 12, 2019 Reply Deirdre Tollestrup Great talk, but remove the rubbish English subtitles! eg. 2:53 . "those fathers who stay at home…learn how to MURDER their kids" !! in fact he said 'mother'. Lucky I speak english… July 13, 2019 Reply Nikki Baxter In my own experience I wasn't excepted by my mom I r for who I was so I took on the ways of my mother which were to suppress my happiness, and sadness and am that made me, me.Once I was like my mother in all her ways I found that she hated me even more, because I was now literally a reflection of what she was, and she didn't like herself.So she couldn't handle my love, or my compassion and my sensitivity as a child, and then she couldn't handle me showing her her own actions through me taking on her ways to try to gain her love, in any kind of way.Sadly this is still the case, although at 52 years of age I have come to terms with the feelings of anger, saddness, and loss, and have stopped trying to repair what was so obviously torn.I understand her pain and suffering as she gave them to me, although my mother does not understand herself the effects her actions caused due to her own denial of the relationship she had with her own mother.I can only hope she gains the courage one day to begin the process of dealing with the feeling emotions and experiences she had whilst a child, so she can at least have some love for herself and others.Not only my mother but to all the people in their 70's and above who have been holding onto their pain since forever. July 13, 2019 Reply barta andel Stop using your kids s a pawn.. July 13, 2019 Reply Meat Head Deep…. July 14, 2019 Reply Michele Mcnaugh Great interview July 14, 2019 Reply Gabi Bliss I attached to the TV and built myself from the characters I liked there. I resented my parents as they hit me even though they preached Christian values. July 15, 2019 Reply Return 2 Innocence All very good points…I think both parenting and schooling should be much more child led (ofcourse this would mean putting much more time and effort in!) July 15, 2019 Reply Jody Banks This man is so well spoken and very intelligent! Thank god I’ve found him and Jordan Peterson . Both have restructured my brain enough to relax and stop thinking to much July 16, 2019 Reply Heidimilne My ex sister-in-law used to tell me that my 1 mth old child was manipulating me and a couple of times tried to physically take her from me to let her ‘cry it out’. I would never let that happen and I know that sil was doing this out of love and concern for me (and my lack of sleep and me time) but it was definitely ignorant. July 17, 2019 Reply Linda Johnson I did the very best I could do for our children as infants, toddlers, children, teenagers and, eventually, as adults. I gave them all the love, acceptance and guidance that any one person can muster, but I seem to have still failed them. Sorry I broke down because I didn’t say “no” when my body said no, when they were in their mid-teens. I’m only human, too, but everyone seems to have thought I had super-human abilities. Now I’m planning to commit suicide… hell, I’ve already fucked my kids up so my self-inflicted demise can’t make things any worse. July 17, 2019 Reply sharon parratt You could write me a book July 17, 2019 Reply unavailable elusive Beautifully stated…he is my idol. July 18, 2019 Reply Manuel Cordeiro Concordo totalmente. O que faz falta é um maior "acompanhamento". É estar mais com… July 18, 2019 Reply Diva In I lovvv this man. He's a gift. July 21, 2019 Reply Pedro F. Orellana Great talk. I believe it.. but I am only human July 22, 2019 Reply Eternal Love Now I understand. This is the only doctor, also a father, in an interview with a father that made me cry. It's the other way around. When I cry, most especially when I get to sleep because that's where I felt more alone, my little 8 years-old boy would get up and hug me. It's my turn to do the same when he cries. It's never too late. I never lost the 7 years. I just didn't understand. Thank you Dr. Gabor. God bless you! 🙂 From the Philippines. July 23, 2019 Reply AA LI Gabor Maté is a far left Anti Semitic piece of shit that claims he is Jewish.The mental idiot doesn't even look Jewish (and his name isn't Jewish either). And in any case he could not be a "Holocaust survivor", he was a few months old when the war ended, so where does he get the nerve to speak on the behalf of Holocaust survivors? ignorant, communist, Islamist, piece of shit (Oh, and no serious scientist takes him or what he says seriously).(Btw, there are Anti semitic, self hatingignorant Jews as well). July 25, 2019 Reply Andrade Anita Well i was not picked up as a child, sometimes my mother let me scream in the room alone for hours until I fall asleep because that is how they taught me to just go to sleep and not whine all the time. Yet I have the most wonderful relationship with my mother and we are very open to each other. So its an exception then? I think if a child understands on some level why he is not picked up, even at an age of 2 or 3 years old, it is not that big a deal. My mother was always there for me and no matter what I did, i knew that she will always support me. That is what matters not how we were punished when we were young. She even used to hit me. But every time she hit me I knew that it hurted her way more than it hurted me. 🙂 July 25, 2019 Reply robraver i would only change one thing about my childhood, and that was the pressure to do well at school. I didnt do very well at all and left with nothing. I actually did very well in life, but that was because of my own determination…and luck. Other than that my parents did as well as they could. July 29, 2019 Reply Mark Anderson Sounds like a conversation with God. “I welcome you into my presents and I'm overjoyed to have you here in my presents.“ July 31, 2019 Reply Mark Anderson Dude smart as hell. Modern philosopher. July 31, 2019 Reply Mark Anderson In short, reestablish agrarian society. July 31, 2019 Reply Steve Williams Thank you so much for this super insight…. July 31, 2019 Reply lolilol A Want happy kids ??? Don t have kids … August 1, 2019 Reply lolilol A If you sprouting kids just to give ur life a purpose or feel the void inside pleaseee don t …. don t even get a dog …… deal with it August 1, 2019 Reply Maree Stone My parents couldn't have given a shit my brother and I were spectators to their stressful marriage. The public fighting, the assaults and always being pissed off with each other and what life had handed them. My brother became successful in life, I didn't. Now I understand trauma and pain but as a kid I had noone and nothing for support and comfort. My brother arrived 5yrs into their marriage when I surmise things were ok. I came 15yrs into their union when things were very different. They're dead now. I hope they're happy wherever they are. 😢 August 4, 2019 Reply Michael Jackson Stories He said in those civilized countries. 😂 oh god, so true! August 4, 2019 Reply William Lane Unconditional pure love, good nature, good nurture, good education, good environment, makes good people, August 8, 2019 Reply AHK fascinating August 8, 2019 Reply suria Ash You old..you get it..but when you young and growing too..you not that cool. You have a lot of issues..jobs, relationship, financial, sickness and pain..being calm n collected is hard to achieve. Chaos everywhere..besides your body n mind change according to your own experiences and that journey involves your kids being around you. I only get why my parents the way they are and why my kids the way they are in my 50'ish..when my body and mind is no longer have that rebellious mode..to change the world August 8, 2019 Reply patricia a This is very helpful. I’m 18 and I dont have kids but I do look after my niece and my nephew almost every day. Both their parents are working so I have to devote a lot of my time with them. Growing up, I had some problems with my emotions and dealing with them but I was too afraid to address them to my parents since our culture has taught them to disregard mental health. Now, im scared that i might impose the same mentality on these kids (being that i spend so much time with them) and I don’t want them to go through what I had to go through. It’s extremely difficult to take care of them because I have to be aware of what i am saying and doing. The fact that i’m only 18 and still trying to figure out who I am as a person does not help either. But regardless of that I try my best to be there for the both of them. My nephew is currently 2 years old and we sing, play, and sleep together. Same goes with my niece as well. August 10, 2019 Reply Nisha Halai Rudolf Steiner (Waldorf Education) has been talking about this for decades. It's about time more people trusted the seers of our yesterdays, as well those of today. If we place The Child in the centre of everything, we can know true Love and Health; through healing (feeling the feelings lovingly). August 10, 2019 Reply Blaine Smith I agree with the premise of the video. I disagree with him when he says mothers don't develop different bonds with their children than fathers and it's just about being there. If that were true then explain the correlation between fatherless homes and poverty. My father wasn't around much growing up because he struggled with drug use. Which was arguably influenced by his childhood and being raised by a single father who had been divorced 4 times and most of his siblings had different mothers. My mother split the remainder of parenting with my grandparents because she chased my dad around to make sure he wanted dead. Neither of my parents were emotionally available, they couldn't even take care of themselves. My older brother, younger sister and I somehow managed to become functioning adults, although we each have varying degrees of issues regarding our emotional and mental wellbeing. I can affirm the importance of fatherhood and motherhood in tandem being necessary for the full development of children to adults. August 10, 2019 Reply Emptiness Form This is difficult to watch … my daughter lives abroad , I have joint custody between 2 different european countries and i try my best , uses up all my money , gotta take so much time off work with no pay to pick her up and spend time with her but still it doesn't feel enough . Last month i had with her it felt like we were losing our connection and she just wanted to go home …at the same time asking for her mothers new partner , really broke my heart. August 11, 2019 Reply justnena Wow this literally made me cry, can’t wait to have my own baby and not make the same mistakes my parents made 😭 August 14, 2019 Reply Hano World From where I came from, we put children as a priority. Be it strapping them to our back wherever we are, at least a parent is present at home all time. Believe me, even when we are now adults, my parents don’t want to leave home unless we all go together. Otherwise, one of them stays. Now I realize why. Thank you 😊 August 16, 2019 Reply Mat Zar 2:49 "Those fathers who stay at home with their kids they learn how to MOTHER their kids", not murder. If you please, fix the subtitles because it's going to be very confusing for a lot of people. August 18, 2019 Reply Cyjanek Potasu Its sad that a stranger have to say so obvious things for some people to finally understand. Its simple as that:if you dont want to screw up your kids, just be there for them. Its not that hard August 20, 2019 Reply Mr. No Name Ever notice completely dead pan serious atheists are? August 21, 2019 Reply Mr. No Name I hug and kiss my kids everyday and tell them how much i love them August 21, 2019 Reply t W The speaker has such a calming presence August 22, 2019 Reply Raphael Ishida How are you going to do an interview and not read his book. You start off saying I’m ordering your audio book tonight. What a Bum… September 4, 2019 Reply Martika Philpotts Presence creates a safe base September 4, 2019 Reply Ellie B How to raise brats 101 September 9, 2019 Reply Joy Dull-Bond-Trick Today it is not peers..it is the internet that is raising the child. September 12, 2019 Reply Michael Keehn Neglect is more damaging than any other form of abuse. September 12, 2019 Reply Wee Chatt Single motherhood has also responsible for the destruction of children September 14, 2019 Reply Angela Feldman Nice! September 14, 2019 Reply Torpor I've had so many conversations about child rearing with people who think shame is the greatest parenting tool of all. In fact I can't think of a single person who would actually listen and absorb this message. September 14, 2019 Reply Stan Marsh Reading these comments makes me happy, sad, appreciative, and depressed altogether. September 15, 2019 Reply Stan Marsh This wisdom right here is enlightening. Like wow. Will be keeping this in mind later on down the road. September 15, 2019 Reply Bandroide Its sad we even have to discuss how to parent in my opinion, idlk how its not something we already know we have to do properly and do it out of love September 15, 2019 Reply Kenny James Amazing!! My God he's a gasp!!!! Man saying This!! September 16, 2019 Reply Gwenhwyfar Rising Laughing my fucking ass off! I raised four children! Tried to be careful and give them lots of freedom to be who the wanted to be a needed to be! And they say I messed up because I should have been stricter with them and not given them much freedom. I put my children first and my career second and now my children insult me in front of family because I don’t own luxury cars and big homes and don’t have six different bank accounts! No matter what you do your children will think they are fucked up and it is your fault! Hire baby sitters, put them in day care, make you and what you want first because at the end of the day your children rich or poor will think the same way about how you raised them! September 16, 2019 Reply Robert Kristiansen Every Parent should her this.! September 18, 2019 Reply Void 007 It takes seven years to qualify as a Doctor which requires great skill.Parenthood requires no qualification and requires an equally important commitment and skill.I agree with Gabor Mate.Unskillful parenting results in drug addiction,alcoholism and crime..low self esteem and violence will always be products of unfortunate parents who themselves were deprived of nurturing as children.Perhaps,parenting could become part of the school curriculum. September 20, 2019 Reply Jim Cuddy this is deep September 21, 2019 Reply Snakefinger1000 A couple of my earliest memories were of waking up "on" my bed and it's dark and very late Mum and Dad are asleep. I must have fallen asleep on my bed while waiting for Dad to get home from work so we can have our evening meal together. They didn't wake me up when Dad got home and I felt so abandoned so left out. It's sixty years later and it still upsets me, I still feel those negative emotions." Why didn't they wake me, why did they leave me out" were the thoughts I had. September 22, 2019 Reply Mary Mahoney A single mother I had three jobs this guy is right on point. Not I was not only was I not present when I was with my daughter she did pick the peer group over her family September 23, 2019 Reply D. Welch Please parents, do not be mean to your kids physically or emotionally. Have patience. They are learning. They need your trust and love. I've seen a child physically hurt their mother and I know that child learned that from her. Yes, please respond to your baby's cries. Goodness gracious, please do not ignore and "toughen up" your child. They need to feel respected and loved. Co-sleep and breastfeed for at least first couple years as well. 💙 September 23, 2019 Reply rqgooner7 Thank you for this video. For a long time I have struggled to come to terms with the fact that my upbringing was not ideal. And this talk highlights those moments and I am grateful for the confirmation. However, what I would like to ask is, What are steps to remedy the anxiety and angst? What processes can I engage in to unravel the many skins I have covered myself in? September 23, 2019 Reply Daniel Mc Sween I agree with everything to some degree. Far too loveless parenting. However this does not mean providing every materialistic thing so I hope parents act moderately and move from there. Personally, I believe babies shouldn't be rushed to at every creak of a cry. They learn to manipulate their parents. By all means make sure everything is fine but delaying reaction a little helps the child be more manageable. September 24, 2019 Reply Michael Amicone Civilized country and receiving paternity leave haha… NOT THE USA September 24, 2019 Reply BellalisDope I noticed popular Western (White) parenting makes the child convenient for the parent instead of putting in the work and effort to bond with the child. What a funny coincidence that Americans are detached from their family and never visit each other. On the contrary, most other cultures are very close with their children and the children stay by their side their whole life. What goes around comes around. September 25, 2019 Reply Sigma Geranimo a future of someone depend on 2 things :1. what kind of parents you got2. what kind of gov you have. either one of then screw up, you are done for. we need a license to be a parent. September 25, 2019 Reply Chad Cassidy There's not much us parents can do anymore to not "screw up" our kids. The school systems and social systems, and whatever you call it systems have taken away all the discipline, homework assigned, failing a grade, etc, etc, etc. The children are walking all over the parents now. I remember the last time I tried giving my child a bum swat, at age 9, he was running to the phone to call 911 on me. I can remember being in elementary school and hearing rumors the principal had a strap. Well, I didn't care to find out if that rumor was true!! There is a HUGE difference between discipline and child abuse!! You should hear the way my child talks back to me, even swearing, and I'm not allowed to do anything about it anymore?? You hear stories of the way discipline was handled back in the day. Children were late coming home for supper, well, I guess you don't eat till breakfast now! Just as an example. You wonder why the state of the world is the way it is? Factor in the internet and what social media is doing to our children, and THERE'S your answer!!! October 6, 2019 Reply Paula Lashes! So well explained October 8, 2019 Reply HEAVY_METAL_KING Who has heard of jacque fresco? October 9, 2019 Reply MOOG Esee Hugging and Cuddling makes for very happy kids, mine are grown up and we still hug and they are very well adjusted and happy. No one asks to be born so always tell them they are loved and wonderful. October 9, 2019 Reply Echo Rose OMG…this is the knowledge bomb that I have been missing!!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! October 15, 2019 Reply Jeff Lightfoot I couldn't agree more. So happy to hear this. October 16, 2019 Reply Keziah and Mommy Adventures This is s great video, and one of the best I’ve seen. Has definitely given me perspective!Thank you! 🙏🏼 October 17, 2019 Reply Jackie Bridges Wow great information video he right first 4 year's is most important.. October 18, 2019 Reply Victoria P I see nothing wrong in a kid belonging to a peer group or someone else also as long as parent does not put that authoritarian issue of themselves on a child. I grew up in the yard constituted of four 2-story houses , all kids growing in that yard never been treated as someone’s else child though. So all those people were like a family to every child. I obviously knew who my mom was, and yet, i felt comfortable with everybody else as much as with mother. And that is why maybe in my culture there is a saying “there are no other children” . And only when i moved into another culture. I understood that corruption starts then when you pushed a neighbour child so that yours could pass. October 19, 2019 Reply Comics Damniit This makes sense on why I am the way I am. October 22, 2019 Reply Marcus J Fascinating. I disagree with some of the things that he is saying but it was all very interesting. Thanks for sharing 🙏🏻 October 24, 2019 Reply Eddie Punched He is spot on. November 1, 2019 Reply Add a Comment Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment:*Name:* Email Address:* Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.